Bedside manners

I wrote this when Heather was in hospital (right before her surgery) but decided to post it today.

Sometimes, when life feels overwhelming, the best thing you can do is laugh at the situations—and people—that make it more difficult. Heather was waiting for surgery when a member of the surgical team stopped by to explain what to expect. You know, the usual: "We’re going to perform this procedure, and with anesthesia, there’s always a chance for complications…” But this guy didn’t hold back—he laid it all out. Fortunately, Heather was too out of it to understand, so I had the pleasure of experiencing this conversation solo.

Scenario 1: The ideal outcome—exploratory laparoscopic surgery to insert cameras and examine the digestive tract for about an hour, possibly identifying and fixing a minor issue. We were all hoping for this one.

Scenario 2: A large incision might be needed, with no clear idea of how long the surgery would take. It wasn’t my favorite scenario, but it seemed reasonable.

Scenario 3: They might need to do a colostomy. I was really grateful that didn’t happen.

Scenario 4: A very large incision might be required, leaving the wound open, and she would be taken to the ICU for observation. (At this point, I stopped listening.) Gratefully, this worst-case scenario was avoided.

Then, he casually added, “And with anesthesia, there’s always a risk of cardiac arrest, stroke, or sudden death.”

Yes, I know they have to tell you all this, but at that point, my focus was entirely on Heather—on keeping her in a calm and positive frame of mind.

I quietly muttered, “Well, that was positive.” It was a bit snarky, I admit. So, I quickly added, “You guys must be exhausted after such a long day, and now heading back into surgery tonight.”

He replied (and I’m paraphrasing):
“Surgeons are trained to work at 100%. Even if we come in feeling like 80%, we work at 100%. Unlike you and others, who might go to work feeling like 70% or less, you only work at that capacity.”

I honestly wanted to laugh out loud. I mean, clearly, this guy must have worked with me before. I can guarantee I don’t give 100% every moment of the day at work. Even a computer doesn’t operate at 100% all the time.

I’m glad he has such a big ego. I want her surgical team to give it their all—100%, for sure. Heck, if they want to overachieve and give me 105%, I’m all for that. Give me a surgeon with a big ego in the ER any day.

He was just doing his job, explaining the possible scenarios, and I get that. But today, I’m going to sit back and realize that maybe I’m only capable of giving 50%—and that’s totally okay with me.

Since Heather’s surgery was after hours, there wasn’t the usual automated board providing updates. I asked Dr. Bedside Manners if I’d get updates if the surgery took longer than expected. He replied, “Well, our focus needs to be on Heather, so we don’t leave the surgery to give updates.”

I smiled sweetly and said, “Of course, I understand. I was just hoping there was a way to send an update. Thanks, Dr. Obvious.” I didn’t expect hourly updates, but a little reassurance would have been nice.

When the surgery was finally over, her lead surgeon called me, and we spoke for over 10 minutes. Heather was returned to her room around midnight, and I was able to give her a kiss goodnight.

Her surgical team gave it their all—100%, to be exact—and I’m forever thankful for that.

Don’t forget to hug your loved ones. Life is precious.xo

Lisa

Picture shown is Heather in an 8th grade school play, dressed as a nurse. She gave 100% in this play, just like she is giving 100% in her recovery 

July 4th, 2025 - Update and a stroll down memory lane

Heather continues to heal.  It has been almost a month since she became ill.  Seriously, where did the month of June go this year!  This really has been quite a long year for Heather and Kevin) It started on July 4th 2024, when Kevin slipped and fractured his ankle/leg/foot.  OUCH OUCH OUCH.  He had surgery to insert plates and pins and eventually rolled around on his knee scooter for his 4-5 month recovery.  

In September, Heather broke her clavicle which required surgery to set the bones with hardware (it broke in a very difficult place).  In February 2025 she had another surgery to remove the clavicle hardware that was starting to interfere with range of motion and growing into healthy bone (they knew the 2nd surgery was required).  A month later, she had a hernia repair.  This was probably due to weaker stomach muscles from her surgeries as an infant and, in December, a case of walking pneumonia that caused a lot of coughing. 

So when this most recent surgery was necessary, you can clearly understand how anxious and frustrated Heather was.  I guess I am sharing all of this now, because nobody ever knows the struggles that so many encounter.  Heather doesn't live in the past, but the past keeps getting brought up every time she has to give her health history.  It was very interesting that before they did the adhesion repair and they asked about previous abdominal surgeries, they weren't concerned about her two surgeries at one week and 15 months of age.  Interestingly, after the surgery, the surgeon wanted details about her earlier surgeries.  Before going in, he assumed if adhesions had been so bad, they would have surfaced much earlier.  Well, apparently that wasn't the case.  I wasn't able to give him many details except to say that she recovered beautifully from both of those surgeries.  

It still blows my mind that the protocol for abdominal adhesions and obstructions hasn't changed in 42 years.  If it isn't a complete obstruction which requires emergency surgery, they insert an NG tube for 5-7 days hoping the obstruction resolves on its own.  If not, then surgery is required and that requires another week in the hospital, then home for a 4–6 week recovery.  

I still shudder when I look back on her earlier surgeries.  Because she was only 7 days old and had already lost a lot of her birth weight, she never received any pain medication.  I still can't even fathom that.   When the decision was made to do surgery, the hospital doctors told me she was too weak to survive the surgery, and the surgeon said if we don't do surgery now, she won't survive. That was a terrible decision to make.  So, I agreed to the surgery, and they wheeled her away 30 minutes later (her Father had gone home for about 2 hours when all of this unfolded and since there weren't any cell phones, there was no way to reach him to discuss this - I tried the house phone but he was already in the car).  During surgery, they paralyzed her for 24 hours and inserted a ventilator to help her breath.  I didn't know enough then to question the need to keep her immobile, but I do know there was a real concern for giving anesthesia to a sick 5lb 10oz infant.  

From what I read back in 1982 and what I see now on the good ol' internet “In the early 1980s it was a common belief among medical professionals that babies did not feel pain, and this led to surgeries and other procedures being performed without anesthesia or pain medication. This belief was based on the idea that infants lacked the neurological capacity to experience pain due to their underdeveloped nervous systems, particularly the lack of myelination"   This was from a Harvard Medical Journal.  This theory changed in the mid 1980s. Today, it's well-established that infants can feel pain, and there is a greater awareness of the importance of pain management during infancy.   Thank GOD.

On July 4th, it will be three weeks since Heather's surgery.  She is really doing quite well, but every few days, she has a painful setback.  Pain management really is critical to a patients physical and mental health.  Heather once again is proving how tough she is.  I also must admit, it has been wonderful having her home with me for these last few weeks.  I am finally catching up on my much-needed rest and Heather can just focus on herself and getting stronger.  

I love you, Heather.  I can't wait for the day that we can go on our own adventure and escape from Lisa's Assisted Living Facility.  I must admit, it is a great place to recover, but a girls trip to the beach (or NYC) would be sooooo much fun. 

xo

Lisa

The picture for this blog was taken on the 4th.  Our neighborhood has a fabulous parade that goes past our house.  This was Heather's first social outing in a month. I love you, Heather and the camera certainly loves your beautiful smile.  It is wonderful to see those lovely dimples again.

 

Heather is healing!

June 27th  - Heather and I would like to sincerely thank everyone who sent messages and offered prayers during her hospital stay and recovery from surgery.  Your kind words, thoughts, and support truly lifted her spirits and brought comfort during a challenging time.  Heather feels incredibly grateful and blessed to have such thoughtful, caring people in her life. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Heather came home on June 22nd.  The first few days were pretty rough.  Lots of pain and discomfort.  It broke my heart to hear her crying.  She was such a trooper and followed the surgeons instructions to move, walk, and listen to your body.  On the 26th, we spoke with the surgeons office about some of her symptoms and they decided to see her.  He said she was doing well and to expect some tough days, but reassured her that each day would get a bit better.  The bonus was they took her staples out a few days earlier than planned - YAY.  That helped a lot.

She is still having an issue with food, so we are adjusting her diet.  The last two days she has set up "camp" in the living room so she and the dogs can watch TV and look out over the lake.  The dogs haven't left her side.  

We also celebrated Dad's 92nd birthday with a small gathering of family and friends.  Heather wasn't able to join us, but she loved seeing the pictures.  

xo

Lisa

Heather comes home Sunday !!!!!

 

I can just feel the love by looking at this sweet picture of us with Timmy, Joe's younger brother.  Timmy lives in Connecticut and is unable to travel anymore, but whenever he stayed with us, the joy and the love just filled the air.  Timmy and Heather adore each other.  When he visited, we laughed, sang, danced, had cooking parties, took boat rides, but most of all, we had quality time with Timmy.  Timmy loves his family and friends.  

I chose this picture because it makes me smile and I know that Heather will be home tomorrow and smiley days like this are guaranteed.  I can't wait to spoil her with her favorite meals and watch her rest in the sun with the dogs. 

Heather has started eating a few foods and tolerating them well.  They stopped the IV nutrition today which is fantastic.  The fact that these blog posts are getting smaller and less frequent are a great sign that things are moving forward. Thank you again for following along.  

Enjoy this dance video with Heather, Timmy, and our friend Nicole (Timmy called her his #1 girl)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_5E-iIRtnU

xo

Lisa

June 20th - still in the hospital and may go home in a day or two

It has been a long few days for Heather.  She continues to heal, but still has significant pain.  In addition, her poor veins keep blowing.  They can no longer use her left arm, and her right arm looks like a pin cushion.  OUCH OUCH OUCH.  Fortunately, they call in a specialist to insert her IVs using doppler scanning to make sure they find/hit the best vein.  Yesterday, they had to reinsert within 4 hours after placing a new IV.

For the first time in 12 days, she had a popsicle. Grape to be specific, that is considered clear liquids.  Who knew?   She had choices between cardboard Jello, broths, juices, sodas (she avoided yesterday due to carbonation), and popsicles.  For a few minutes, she had some relief.

We are hopeful that today she can try soft foods!!!!  

Yesterday, there was a fast-moving thunder and lightning storm that moved through the DC area.  Sadly. her hospital lost power for 3 hours. Yes, you read that correctly.  THREE WHOLE HOURS.  From what I heard over the phone when the surgical team was visiting, critical areas had backup generators (ICU, NICU, Surgical).  They did halt all surgeries though for a bit.  The good news is they were still able to administer medications to the patients.  The rooms and hallways were pretty dark, since the blackout was from 5:20pm - 8:30.  I can only how difficult it was for the staff and patients.  Heather's main issue was dealing with the heat, but so thankful she was not hooked up to critical monitoring machines.  Kevin arrived shortly after the power outage, and he said it was very widespread outside the hospital. 

The goal is to get her home soon.  My best guess is a few more days (making it a 2-week stay).   They may need to do more imaging, but I am praying and hoping that she continues to tolerate the food and things progress as expected.

Heather, I can't even imagine the pain you have been dealing with.  You have been so very strong, during such a difficult and long recovery.  I know seeing your sweet Pearl will be the medicine ever.  Thank you, Kevin for taking the night shift.  It has allowed me to rest and be with Dad and Joe.

I love you, Heather.  You have a village of people that have been praying for you and reaching out to me.

xo

Lisa

Photo is 2018 at Ducky Irene, Heather always thought this would make a good band album cover, hahahaha.  Just another reminder of great things to look forward too - going to the beach house and relaxing.

 

Great Progress - YAY

Monday was tough for Heather during the day.  Her arm with the IV and Midline started swelling.  It took a while to get a doppler to examine both arms.  She had clots that were superficial, so they need to remove both IVs and eventually insert two more.  Sadly, during this two-hour period, they were unable to give her pain meds.  They quickly got the new IVs working and relief was on its way.

In the morning they clamped her NG tube for 4-hours.  She had a difficult time with pain, but the good news was when it was unclamped, there wasn't a large amount of fluid removed.  The surgical team visited her and they said it could maybe be removed later Monday evening.

Now for the GREAT news.  They removed the NG tube around 6pm.  This is fantastic.  She can have a small sip of water and a few ice chips every hour or two.  She is tolerating the removal, so the hope is to start small amounts of clear liquids later today.  She will continue to get nutrition through her IV for another day.  This mama bear is very very very very very happy.  Heather is thrilled to have this torture device removed from her throat.  Goodbye icky chloraseptic spray.  It provided superficial relief, but now she gets the real deal - ICE CHIPS.  

I am hopeful she will be released in a few days so the real healing can jump in leaps and bounds.  

I love you, Heather.  You have been so strong during this journey.  It will be nice to see those pretty dimples again and hear your laughter. 

xo

Lisa

Heather is healing

Sunday

Sunday was not a fun day for Heather.  Of course, no day in the hospital is ever fun.  Her pain seemed to get a bit worse, which was expected a few days after surgery.  She did 10 laps today which was incredible.  The surgeon is pleased with her progress.  They started her on IV with nutrients.  She has had nothing to eat/drink for 8 days, so this will help increase her energy level.  Hoping to have NG tube out in a day or two!!!!!!  

Happy Father's Day to Dad and Joe.   We have lots of celebrating to catch up on when Heather comes home (Kevin and Heather's birthday, Dad's birthday and Father's Day).

Hug your loved ones.

Monday

Just arrived at hospital and Heather is sleeping - YAY.   Earlier in the morning I listened in when Doctors stopped by.  They decided to clamp her NG Tube and see how she tolerates it.  It will be clamped for 4 hours, then hooked back up to see how much fluid accumulated.  If things go well, the tube comes out - DOUBLE YAY!!!!!!!!!   I will provide an update later.   

Keep those prayers coming.  Heather appreciates all the love. 

xo

Lisa