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Caring for Three Loved Ones: My Journey Through Caregiving, Cancer, Chronic Illness, and Love

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When my 85-year-old dad moved in with me in 2019—just months before the world shut down—I truly thought I was preparing to help an aging parent with the normal things that come with growing older. I had no idea what was ahead. I didn’t know our home would become a small, fierce pod where three of the people I love most would fight battles I never could have imagined. I didn’t know how much strength I would need—or how much love would carry us through. I always say caregiving came for me in layers. In 2021, my boyfriend was diagnosed with Stage 3C colon cancer—already metastatic. He went through major surgery, rounds of chemotherapy, endless appointments, terrifying uncertainty, and the slow, painful rebuilding of strength. And he fought through all of it. Through nausea, weakness, and fear, he kept going. And in the end, he survived what could have taken him. He won. What still amazes me is that even in the middle of chemo and recovery, he would help Dad when he could—two different gen...
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Bedside manners

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I wrote this when Heather was in the hospital—right before her surgery—but decided to post it today. Sometimes, when life feels overwhelming, the best thing you can do is laugh at the situations—and people—that make it even harder. Heather was waiting for surgery when a member of the surgical team stopped by to explain what to expect. You know the drill:  “We’re going to perform this procedure, and with anesthesia, there’s always a chance of complications…” But this guy didn’t ease into it. He laid out  everything —in detail. Fortunately, Heather was too out of it to fully grasp what he was saying, so I had the distinct pleasure of experiencing this conversation solo. Scenario 1:  The ideal outcome—exploratory laparoscopic surgery. Insert cameras, examine the digestive tract for about an hour, possibly identify and fix a minor issue. We were all hoping for this one. Scenario 2:  A larger incision might be needed, with no clear idea of how long the surgery would take....
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July 4th, 2025 - Update and a stroll down memory lane

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Heather continues to heal.  It has been almost a month since she became ill.  Seriously, where did the month of June go this year!  This really has been quite a long year for Heather and Kevin) It started on July 4th 2024, when Kevin slipped and fractured his ankle/leg/foot.  OUCH OUCH OUCH.  He had surgery to insert plates and pins and eventually rolled around on his knee scooter for his 4-5 month recovery.   In September, Heather broke her clavicle which required surgery to set the bones with hardware (it broke in a very difficult place).  In February 2025 she had another surgery to remove the clavicle hardware that was starting to interfere with range of motion and growing into healthy bone (they knew the 2nd surgery was required).  A month later, she had a hernia repair.  This was probably due to weaker stomach muscles from her surgeries as an infant and, in December, a case of walking pneumonia that caused a lot of coughing.  So whe...
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Heather is healing!

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June 27th  - Heather and I would like to sincerely thank everyone who sent messages and offered prayers during her hospital stay and recovery from surgery.  Your kind words, thoughts, and support truly lifted her spirits and brought comfort during a challenging time.  Heather feels incredibly grateful and blessed to have such thoughtful, caring people in her life. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Heather came home on June 22nd.  The first few days were pretty rough.  Lots of pain and discomfort.  It broke my heart to hear her crying.  She was such a trooper and followed the surgeons instructions to move, walk, and listen to your body.  On the 26th, we spoke with the surgeons office about some of her symptoms and they decided to see her.  He said she was doing well and to expect some tough days, but reassured her that each day would get a bit better.  The bonus was they took her staples out a few days earlier than planned - YAY. ...
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Heather comes home Sunday !!!!!

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  I can just feel the love by looking at this sweet picture of us with Timmy, Joe's younger brother.  Timmy lives in Connecticut and is unable to travel anymore, but whenever he stayed with us, the joy and the love just filled the air.  Timmy and Heather adore each other.  When he visited, we laughed, sang, danced, had cooking parties, took boat rides, but most of all, we had quality time with Timmy.  Timmy loves his family and friends.   I chose this picture because it makes me smile and I know that Heather will be home tomorrow and smiley days like this are guaranteed.  I can't wait to spoil her with her favorite meals and watch her rest in the sun with the dogs.  Heather has started eating a few foods and tolerating them well.  They stopped the IV nutrition today which is fantastic.  The fact that these blog posts are getting smaller and less frequent are a great sign that things are moving forward. Thank you again for following ...
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June 20th - still in the hospital and may go home in a day or two

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It has been a long few days for Heather.  She continues to heal, but still has significant pain.  In addition, her poor veins keep blowing.  They can no longer use her left arm, and her right arm looks like a pin cushion.  OUCH OUCH OUCH.  Fortunately, they call in a specialist to insert her IVs using doppler scanning to make sure they find/hit the best vein.  Yesterday, they had to reinsert within 4 hours after placing a new IV. For the first time in 12 days, she had a popsicle. Grape to be specific, that is considered clear liquids.  Who knew?   She had choices between cardboard Jello, broths, juices, sodas (she avoided yesterday due to carbonation), and popsicles.  For a few minutes, she had some relief. We are hopeful that today she can try soft foods!!!!   Yesterday, there was a fast-moving thunder and lightning storm that moved through the DC area.  Sadly. her hospital lost power for 3 hours. Yes, you read that correctly. ...
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Great Progress - YAY

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Monday was tough for Heather during the day.  Her arm with the IV and Midline started swelling.  It took a while to get a doppler to examine both arms.  She had clots that were superficial, so they need to remove both IVs and eventually insert two more.  Sadly, during this two-hour period, they were unable to give her pain meds.  They quickly got the new IVs working and relief was on its way. In the morning they clamped her NG tube for 4-hours.  She had a difficult time with pain, but the good news was when it was unclamped, there wasn't a large amount of fluid removed.  The surgical team visited her and they said it could maybe be removed later Monday evening. Now for the GREAT news.  They removed the NG tube around 6pm.  This is fantastic.  She can have a small sip of water and a few ice chips every hour or two.  She is tolerating the removal, so the hope is to start small amounts of clear liquids later today.  She will conti...
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