Here is my eulogy........
We would like to thank everyone for attending. We are overwhelmed with grief, but also so blessed to have had such a wonderful Mother, grandmother and of course wife to my amazing Dad. Family was the most important thing to mom.
My beautiful grandmother, with her gentle and peaceful demeanor,
raised Barbara Jean Wiggins. Mom was an only child and raised by her
single Mom until she was 17 years old. Mom
grew up in Washington DC where she lived with her mother, Aunt Ruthie and her
Granddaddy.
During the summers, mom would go live with Aunt Eunice in
New Jersey. Imagine being away for the summer and the only form
of communication with your mom is a handwritten letter, or if you were lucky an
expensive long distance phone call. Thank goodness for this
village that raised Mom - she was always surround by loving and caring family
members.
Mom and Dad met in HS. It always touched my romantic heart
that dad wrote in her yearbook "To the future Mrs". how cute is
that? Mom recently shared her diary with Lauren and
she wrote the following about Dad:
Bill Butler - Wonderful guy - really the best ever.
another diary entry said:
I am going to see Bill tomorrow. I hope he asks me to go
steady. I really am crazy about him. No one else affects me like he does.
So there you go - true love - forever love. Need I say
more? Of course I can say more about
Mom.
Mom then continued to University of Maryland where she graduated
with an English degree. Mom, the college English major, always corrected
our grammar. Heck she corrected most people’s grammar. As kids we
would ask if we can outside to play and she would say, "You can go out,
but you should have asked MAY I go out". Her would be so proud that
me be talking at you. If you don't let out a chuckle right now, then you didn't
spend enough time with my Mom.
Mom was raised with true family values. Family meant everything
and family came first. Growing up, our extended family gathered for most
holidays and celebrations. The adults would chat in the dining room and
anyone under 18 would get to sit at that amazing "kids table".
There weren't any distractions like texting, Facebook, cell phones.
Our family just laughed, loved, and shared stories.
Don't get me started about the amazing food. Mom was an
incredible cook and she loved to entertain. You could drop in last minute
and you were accepted with open arms.
You also left with a belly that ached from eating too much and from
laughing so hard.
What Mom really loved was when our family would get together. The renewal of their wedding vows on their
60th anniversary was magical. Mom and Dad rented an incredible
ocean front home for two weeks. Mom was in her element. She was
surrounded by her family and we spent quality time together. For the second week of the trip they had
their dear friends come stay.
Mom, Dad and I recently watched some old home movies from the
early 60s. We were laughing at how every adult smoked cigarettes.
At my 5th birthday party, all my friends were dressed in their Sunday best. You know – frilly dresses, patent leather
shoes, white lacy socks.
As we sat around the table waiting for the cake, Mom was holding
the cake with one hand and a lit cigarette in the other. She realized she
needed both hands to place the cake in the middle of the table, so she held the
cigarette in her mouth as she leaned over. Classic. We howled
watching this.
Mom loved holidays. For her it was a chance to decorate
her house and make special meals. Growing up we had pink cupcakes with
conversation hearts for Valentine's Day. On St. Patrick’s Day we ate
green scrambled eggs or green mashed potatoes. April Fool’s day was fun.
One time she put brown circles of construction paper between our stacks of
pancakes.
Mom’s house was always decorated for the season and she welcomed
anyone and everyone to her dinner table. About 20 years ago Mom and Dad stared
to travel extensively around the world and she started collecting nativity
scenes from various countries. Christmas was magical at our house.
Mom was that person that always remembered what was important to
people and always reached out to her friends and family in good and bad
times. She loved buying birthday cards months in advance, then
addressing them with the date they should be mailed. On her special day,
the mantle was filled with cards and the phone rang non-stop.
Mom had the largest circle of friends. No offense to my
siblings, but mom's social life trumped our combined social lives. She
kept in touch with friends from elementary, high school, college, neighborhood
friends, and union friends.
She loved spending time with her Joy boy ladies. This group of amazing women helped their
friend Bev Ross produce a junior Broadway musical that was performed by 5ith
graders at the local elementary school.
I would be remiss if I didn't mention their "Reagan Riffed
Federal Employee" brunch group (of course, I had to be political for a
second - mom would have expected that). As you can see her circle of
friends was vast.
As for my childhood, I was that child that HATED to leave my
mom. When I was five, she would run an errand and leave me with
neighborhood children and I would cry until she returned. Sounds kind of
bratty to me - but I missed my Mom.
Here's a pretty good confession - In 7th grade, I went with my friend to their cabin on the river, and I was so homesick that I broke my
retainer because I knew my parents would have to come pick me up. I knew
that precious money was invested on my pearly white teeth. Mom never made
me feel bad that they had to pay more money for another retainer. She
never accused me of intentionally breaking it. She just brought me home.
That car ride home was so comforting. And that bedroom.
Safely down the hall from my mom.
I am most grateful for everything Mom did for
Heather. After I gave birth to Heather, Heather was readmitted to
the hospital for a pretty serious surgery. Mom was there with me throughout
that difficult time. I knew I would be returning to work, and I had never
considered asking my Mom to provide child care for me. However,
when Heather was finally released from the hospital, Mom insisted that she
take care of Heather.
Four days a week Heather went to my parents for the day.
It was the best, most generous and loving gift that anyone has ever given
me. From that day forward, Heather and Mom formed this amazing bond.
Mom loved all her grandchildren and great grandchildren - her
heart was so big that there was always room to give more love.
Some of you may not know why all the grandchildren call my Dad
by his first name. When Heather was
little she heard my mom call dad down for breakfast in the morning
and Heather would hear Mom say "Bill - breakfast is
ready". Heather would then mimic and say Bull
"bweakfast". So Bull became the official name for my dad and
eventually it changed to Bill. When their friends asked why she was
Grandma and he was Bill, Dad would laugh and say "I'm not old
enough to have grandchildren - but Barbara is".
Mom was honest, hardworking, loving, and consistent.
You knew what to expect from her. She also didn't live with regret and
she looked forward to what tomorrow had to offer. She knew at the end of
that day the she did her best and she loved her family
unconditionally.
I know Mom is watching right now and smiling. She knows
how hard this is for me - we have had that sad talk at various times throughout
life. I would cry and tell her I don't want to ever lose her and she
would reassure me that she would always be with me.
Mom, I know you are with us.
Before I close I want to share a story about mom during her
final week in the hospital. Mom was a fighter and because of side
effects from the pain medicine she wasn't able to have anything by mouth for
most of her stay.
Anyone that knows her well is fully aware of her love for
one bottle of Pepsi every day. It seemed like every hour my Mom
asked anyone and everyone for a Pepsi. When she was in ICU and the end
was near, one of the ICU doctors asked if they could do anything special for
Mom. We told him about her love of Pepsi, not Coke. We
already knew that the hospital only sold Coke so it didn't seem that anything
could be done.
Well, about 30 minutes later this compassionate Doctor came back
with cold bottle of Pepsi in a CVS bag. He left
the hospital to go get her a final Pepsi. She wasn't able to drink
it, but she did smile when we used the green swabs to let her taste her Pepsi.
It’s the simple things in life you know. This Doctor
was compassionate, caring, loving, and he put a smile on all of
our faces during one of our saddest moments.
As I end this tribute to my Mom, I hope that you have learned
something from this amazing woman and you can pay it forward in some way to
someone in need. It may be as simple as a phone call, a card in the mail,
sitting bedside with someone and just being there for them. Mom put
others needs in front of her own. She was generous, compassionate,
loving, and had a wicked sense of humor. I would share some of her jokes
and stories but they aren't appropriate for this church setting.
We
love you Mom. Thanks for being the best mom in the world. Tell GG,
Aunt Ruthie, and Aunt Eunice that I look forward one day to an amazing family
dinner and lots of hugs.
Another
thing - Mom, I'm sorry that I didn't follow royal protocol and wear a hat and
gloves fit for a Queen. At night when I sip on a glass of
champagne, a cosmopolitan or a Pepsi, I will raise my glass and make a toast to
you. We love you Mom. Forever and always.
